There's One Caught Every Minute

Cheats, eh? You gotta love ‘em: they provide a wonderful boost for supporters of the idea that the world changes but human nature remains the same.

Poker has always attracted them. Marked cards, labeled ‘advantage tools’, were advertised in newspapers (presumably not in the ‘Sporting Goods’ section). The more adventurous might progress to ‘Lazy Tongues’. These wonderfully cranky contraptions were inserted in the sharper’s sleeve and could whisk away unwanted cards and substitute aces. Unfortunately, if the lever was pressed at the wrong time, the tongue could punch the mark in the gut as they were shaking hands.

Years on and cheats still provide belly laughs. Sholem J. Weisner, 26, of Brooklyn, New York, has recently been rumbled using advantage tools in the Mohegan Sun Casino during a game of Texas hold ‘em.

Poker won’t miss him: it’s difficult to achieve legendary status if you can’t detect the security differences between a modern casino and a paddle boat frothing up the Mississippi in the 1840s.

Caught in his hotel room with $55,000, the not-so-sharper is charged with cheating, larceny and criminal trespass. He was available neither for comment nor for a part in Ocean’s 14.

Payback Poker

You’re at the poker table, raking in pots. You’re cool, sophisticated and you swing in your chair, secure in the knowledge that you’re the best there.

You call a raise and see another flop. Ah, the perfect double date: KQ, top two. Check to the raiser. Pot sized bet? Pah! Let’s go all in. He calls, the action blurs and the money ships to him. He had pocket jacks and caught a third rogue on the river. The pigeon, ‘madforit17’, types ‘lucky me’ in the chat. His shirt is probably Hawaiian. Your light goes out, the world turns, the game moves on, you’ve read ‘em and wept.

Annoyed? There might be an outlet for those feelings of injustice, one that does not involve a complicated revenge fantasy and ravenous penguins.

Last weekend saw the first ‘scalp’ tournament at the Paddy Power Irish Open. Players prepared to pony up the €330 entrance fee earned a €30 bounty every time they busted an opponent. It’s an exciting new development, already picked up by online poker. Just when the fish thought it was safe to return to the river: Poker II: The Scalp – This Time It’s Personal.

Check Out

It’s all happening in Australia. Someone is changing jobs. But who? Here’s a clue:

Writer Nelson Algren suggests ‘Never play cards with a man named Doc’. Well, we need to include a man with a nametag that states, ‘Hi, I’m Darren - I’m happy to help you’.

Darren Booth, a 19 year old, part time supermarket worker, has gone from bags to riches by wheeling away the $91,000 1st prize in the Adelaide Hold ‘em championship at the Skycity casino.

He won his share of the $340,000 pool, beating a smattering of TV known pros, including 2005 WSOP winner, Aussie Joe Hachem. Impressed? It gets better - he had to win his seat by playing regional tournaments.

As Hatchem gushed, ‘It is fantastic that a young man, playing his first tournament, triumphs’

The shelf stacker started playing poker only recently, so his game was unblemished by crippling fears of outrageous breaches of probability. (Ed – too much personal pain.) He even had the humility to return to work the next day, but his future will surely amount to more than a stack of beans. It could be fame, fortune and his own Wikipedia page. Australia heralds a new dawn.

The Man Everyone's Watching

Guess who’s back?

Yes, that’s right, you got it, it’s former US Senator Alfonse D’Amato!

Since being prised from the US taxpayer’s payroll, he’s developed various ways of keeping his tonsils in the limelight, so it was no surprise he found the media when at the recent Vegas Global Gaming Expo trade show. It takes a certain type of personality to attract attention when surrounded by must-have consumer goodies showcased in America’s playground but, boy is Alf the man!

Bravely speaking against the advice of his spin doctor, he said he expects online poker to be reinstated in its US homeland by 2009.

Don’t want to hold your breath? Neither did the ex-Senator. His blether continued and hinted that imminent sanctions by the World Trade Organisation would shovel on the pressure to Congress to fold their unpopular anti-online gaming hand.

Word, words, words as Hamlet would have it. But wait! Alfonso is not just about boosting his media profile. Oh dearie me, no. He’s the political poster boy of the Poker Players’ Alliance and lobbies for legislation of its favourite card game. With camera conscious Alf in our corner, the Senate’s loss could yet be poker’s gain.