Lacing Up

In December 2008 a crack unit was selected by Eurolinx.com to experience the shock incarceration of a boot camp on a Caribbean island. Instead of the standard thirteen weeks, the unit had just seven days to acclimatise to the punishing regime of psychological torture bellowed out by full-throated drill instructors. To keep the members of the unit disorientated, some of the team were deliberately pin-balled around the four corners of the world before arriving at their final destination.

At the end of a week of hardship and food deprivation, the members of the unit were expected to read poker opponents, analyse the texture of the flop and narrate a four-tissue bad-beat story.

The following were the seven individuals selected for their psychological toughness, capacity for abstract thought and extreme gullibility:

David Fitzgerald, British. Eurolinx blogger, chanter of jody calls and comfortable in a full metal jacket.

Jackie Gatt, Maltese. Eurolinx VIP consultant, master tactician at blackjack and comfortable with fully straightened hair.

Magnus Wennlof, Swedish. Eurolinx Sportsbook Manager, member of the elite diving squadron and uncomfortable on his recent trip to Arsenal FC.

Lydia Melton, American. Eurolinx Operations Manager, operational food-taster (hamburger and hot-chocolate squadron) and undecided about the comfort of her paragliding exploits.

These four Eurolinx employees were accompanied by three of the site’s players who were duped into tagging along by entering a recent promotional poker tournament which misleadingly described the trip as ‘Once in a life-time’. Unfortunately for them, they won.

Jeff Lamont, Canadian. Salesperson, online expert-player but experiencing live poker for the first time.

Ole Brodin, Norwegian. Electrician, scourge of the online game and has now replaced the one-eyed teddy bear in (Foxwood’s winner) Mike Vela’s nightmares.

Orjan Knutsen, Norwegian. International man of mystery. Has maintained radio silence since his experience at camp. Has probably reverted to stealth mode and resumed his online ‘assassin’ style.

Seven people exposed to a punishing seven day regime of bright light, clear blue sea and the force of the river.

In seven days, God created the world. After experiencing the tortuous hell of the boot camp, some of these players now wish He had never dipped His fingers into the teleological play dough and had flunked His exam on intelligent design.

Stop by tomorrow to read some of the surviving fragments from David’s journal.