Austrian Masters - Review

Looking at the list of players who made it to the final table of the Austrian Masters on Friday, it is possible to form some wild conclusions.

Take the dominance of an Austrian one-two. This could be a direct consequence of the civic malaise detailed in an early post.

We are sure Michael Csango and Lu Zhe Zhang owe their position at the top of the prize money to the failure of their nation’s side – the hosts – to provide any stimulation in the group stages of Euro 08.

Another of their countrymen popped his head up in 7th and it was Csango’s first experience of getting his clutches on the top prize.

Coincidence or a case of a man’s urge to restore some national pride?

You decide.

Going further down the places, we see German Marco Mattes in third. You may recall that the previous day had seen his nation turn in a chest-swelling performance in the game against Portugal.

Such was Marco’s boosted esteem his was able to rip through the field and net €18,460, which should be enough to take him to Basel for Wednesday’s semi.

The surge in nationalistic fervour that occurs during a successful summer of international football has been known to account for boosted conception rates – given that there was a further German in 5th, our boys who play the markets strongly advise you to invest in Bavarian swaddling.

In 4th was a Russian trying to pacify his emotions before his side’s clash with Holland and so we are left desperately trying to explain the presence of three Hungarians in the line-up.

In the annals of modern international football the nation has amassed an impressive repetition of the words ‘DID NOT QUALIFY’.

Therefore, our top sociological egg-heads have suggested they seek the reassurance of a competition that they know they can buy into and thus avoid the collective pain of another stinging elimination.

That they chose to do it in the heart of a nation hosting an international soccer spectacular indicates the depth of their sub-conscious yearning for the glory of the floodlights and their desire to relive the days of the ‘Magnificent Magyars’.

Austrian Masters - €2,000 NL – Friday June 20

1. Michael Csango – AUT - €46,200
2. Lu Zhe Zhang – AUT - €27,700
3. Marco Mattes – GER - €18,460
4. Nikolay Karman – RUS - €15,390
5. Csaba Racz – HUN - €12,310
6. Khiem Nguyen – GER - €10,770
7. David Packer – AUT - €9,230
8. Balazs Micsinay – HUN - €7,690
9. Balazs Biri – HUN - €6,150