A Man Walks up to a Hot-dog Vendor

Stop right there.

Before you read any further, we want you to get up and find a mirror, preferably one that is not too flattering.

Don’t move from that mirror for two minutes.

During that time, breathe deeply and try to mentally focus on the different parts of your body whilst continuing to stare at your face in the mirror.

If you do all that correctly, you should be in a higher state of consciousness and feel totally alive.

If so, come back and read the rest of the article.

If not, keep trying.

If, after a few unsuccessful attempts your mind is still thinking about a problem at work/the behaviour of the dog next door/how to bend spoons, then stay away.

This article is not for you.

For those enlightened punters who have returned from staring at the bedroom ceiling: congratulations, your poker game is about to improve.

You should feel totally alive, aware of your body and the different vibrations that are going on around you.

You accept yourself, you accept the moment and you accept your capacity for introspection.

It is also time to accept that the majority of your poker losses are down to your failings.

Sure, bad luck is a factor but is it as big a factor as to your reaction to it?

Can you, hand on heart, say you have never seen all of your money go in on the flop, only to discover you were the underdog, but you won the pot anyway?

Did that result cause you to go on a self-destructive rant about how the mechanics of the hand generator favour the weaker players; or did you trouser the cash and tell yourself the other guy had it coming?

Until you accept that you have a selective memory and that luck, bad and good, happens, your poker profits are going to be low.

Think about cause and effect.

Here’s an example for the world of football:

Manchester United are perceived to be ‘lucky’ in the amount of penalty decisions that go in their way, at their home ground.

Consider the possibilities:

1. Manchester United are lucky.

2. The referee is often intimidated by the home support and it affects his decisions.

3. Manchester United play a very, quick attacking style and are often in the opponents’ penalty area. Therefore, penalty decisions are statistically more likely.

Now let’s turn our attention to online poker and let’s say that you think it has more bad beats than the live game.

1. Yes it does. They are out to get you.

2. You see a lot more hands online and bad beats always stick in the memory.

3. Online play is (largely) anonymous and players can take things personally due to the lack of empathy. Therefore, they see more hands against you and administer more bad beats.

You have to make rational sense of these things. Unless you do so, you run the risk of becoming paranoid. Your thoughts about outside events will hinder your ability to make sensible decisions at the poker table.

You have to be in the moment.

It is not the cards, the site or the table that has the memories: it is you.

You know you can play well.

But do you know you can play badly?

If not, you are paranoid.

How do we know?

Your best mate told us.