The Ten Commandments of Poker

For this week’s Poker Unclogged we are going to read the scriptures of poker pro and all-round good tomato Steve Ruddock.

A while ago, Steve decided to issue The Ten Commandments of Poker, presumably because He had had found two odd tablets and thought He was God.

Having spent time in Vegas, He had plenty of opportunity to reflect on the moral challenges of the 21st century and, to offset the risk of coveting the button-player’s cocktail-waitress, He channelled His mental energies to poker teaching.

We at Eyebrows are proud to reproduce His commandments. We will also stoke controversy by providing out own interpretation of the sacred words and thus show our followers the path to enlightenment.

Poker be with you.

1. Thou shalt always make rational decisions.
Although this is good advice, there is a certain irony because it is issued in the form of a commandment and surely unquestioning belief in the wisdom of others is highly irrational?

Anyway, just try to win money – if you find yourself playing and envisioning torture-victim scenarios, it is time to take up dentistry.

2. Thou shalt always think positively.
OK, Chris, you try that when your wireless has gone down in a thunderstorm, you’ve flopped aces full and all the opponent has to do is a minimum bet to take the pot.

3. Thou shalt only play good starting hands.
The greybeards at Eyebrows are troubled by these words and think anyone is a modern convert to poker will want to occasionally mix it up – see 5.

4. Thou Shalt Be Selectively Aggressive
No problems here. Bet when you have the best hand and when you think you can cause a player to fold.

5. Thou Shalt Mix Up Thy Play
Chris appears to contradict Himself here. Is it possible He was in conflict with Himself when he had his moments of clarity?
Maybe He is just moving in mysterious ways.

6. Thou Shalt Know and Play Percentages.
In Steve we trust.
All others must pay cash to draw.

7. Thou Shalt Always Work on Improving Thy Game.
Read scripture and you will be in a good position to help the less fortunate lose their cash.

8. Thou Shalt Always Learn From Thy Mistakes
Bad players blame bad luck for their mistakes.

Steve makes no mistakes.

We must be like Steve.

9. Thou Shalt Always Pay Attention.
We must not doze off whilst out of a hand for Steve is omniscient. He will be coming, so for Steve’s sake, look busy!

10. Thou Shalt be a Well-Rounded Poker Player.
Do not restrict thyself to the practice of Hold ‘em, for that is not the way on enlightenment. Try other forms and embrace all the poker world has to offer for it is only the truly open individual that will feast at the final table.

And so we close His book and reflect on our inadequacies but we will do it.

We will become better players.

We make our prayer to you saying, Steve hear us.

Steve, graciously hear us.