Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Horse and Hound


Scientists may one day establish that there is a symbiotic link between the nation’s anxiety and the ubiquity of Clare Balding.

The former champion amateur jockey likes to describe herself as a ‘mobile anchor’. She said ‘instead of having people brought to me, I’m going out there to find them. It’s a bit woo and a bit wee, if you like’.

On Saturday, she ticked yet another box on her impressively varied CV when she became the first racing journalist to present the Grand National. As a veteran of Crufts, she had no trouble coping with the well-groomed. Moreover, interviewing a gleeful jockey is probably a lot easier than presenting a rosette to a Giant Schnauzer.

However, she doesn’t quite show up everywhere. As yet, her varied experience does not include presenter duties on Scruffts, a dog show for crossbreeds that swaps grand titles such as ‘Best of Breed’, ‘Best Puppy’ and ‘Best In Show’ for ‘Golden Oldie’, Child’s Best Friend’ and ‘Prettiest Bitch’. For a former President of the Cambridge Union Society, that wouldn’t be the done thing.

Clearly, ‘the mobile anchor’ remains embedded in the bedrock of the establishment. A glance through some of her considerable achievements reveals plenty of opportunities for ‘woo and wee’: the Lord Mayor’s Show, Trooping the Colour, Ramblings and Housecall in the Country are all broadcasts that are deemed suitable for Clare’s wax-jacket.

The events and the clothing are important. In these times of uncertainty, the BBC is thinking of its viewers’ health. It is mindful not to induce a phenomenon such as White Coat Syndrome, in which patients can have higher blood pressure in the doctor’s office than they do at home. So, to ease the nation’s hypertension as the credit crunch starts to bite, they up the dosage of Clare Balding’s wardrobe.

There may be an erosion of civil liberties caused by the threat of terrorism but look – here’s a nice, reassuring, white middle class person in a wax coat, surrounded by greenery, so let’s all peel an apple. The country lurching towards the Conservatives, you say? Fine – time for even more Clare, as she has a vague look of a crossbreed between Sir Geoffrey Howe and Baroness Thatcher.

Balding may not present the coverage of the collapse of Northern Rock, but she will be there, hosting the racing, hoping our horse comes in.

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