After spending the last couple of weeks sharing with a cat called Barney, I’m tempted to think they are pets for people who have massive reserves of unconditional love, or low expectations for their relationships, i.e. kids, teachers or online poker players.
They are fine if you have some unfulfilled parental needs, as they seem to exist in perpetual kitten-hood, but if you are looking for behaviour that resembles human love and friendship, it might be time to widen the cat flap. Most of us crave a meal partner who, at least one a week, doesn’t eat tender chunks in gravy and shit on the garden. Luckily, the lonely owners are amply served by the internet.
A web-site http://www.datemypet.com/ could, for some, prove to be a disappointing name.
However, it is ideal for those people who want to meet a fellow pet-lover and live ‘Yappily Ever After’. It is also full of advice for owners whose previous love affairs have been dogs’ dinners.
These are some of the questions it answers:-
‘Does your date get along great with animals, but treat YOU (caps suggesting an over exuberant approach to animal training?) like a worn out dog-toy?’
‘Do you have differing views about your pets’ lifestyle?’ and
If your date loses control of his emotions, is it ever acceptable to shoot him with elephant tranquilisers?
They are fine if you have some unfulfilled parental needs, as they seem to exist in perpetual kitten-hood, but if you are looking for behaviour that resembles human love and friendship, it might be time to widen the cat flap. Most of us crave a meal partner who, at least one a week, doesn’t eat tender chunks in gravy and shit on the garden. Luckily, the lonely owners are amply served by the internet.
A web-site http://www.datemypet.com/ could, for some, prove to be a disappointing name.
However, it is ideal for those people who want to meet a fellow pet-lover and live ‘Yappily Ever After’. It is also full of advice for owners whose previous love affairs have been dogs’ dinners.
These are some of the questions it answers:-
‘Does your date get along great with animals, but treat YOU (caps suggesting an over exuberant approach to animal training?) like a worn out dog-toy?’
‘Do you have differing views about your pets’ lifestyle?’ and
If your date loses control of his emotions, is it ever acceptable to shoot him with elephant tranquilisers?
(Only one of those questions is made up.)
Datemypet.com provides a online dating service that is aimed at the lovelorn who are struggling to reach the 'blended family' stage. Populated by owners who have, in the main, decided to post more pictures of their pets than their own faces, it offers a range of services, including ‘Rex in the City’.
A glance at some of the posts offers an eye-opening world for ‘owners seeking owners’. Subscribers are invited to offer profiles for both themselves and their pet(s) and it is here that you realise that other online dating services have missed a trick.
Male, heterosexual readers of a certain age – consider these two posts, both made by the same woman:
Me: I have no children, and I'd rather not be subjected to yours. I like to learn new things, but I wouldn't say I'm adventurous. Also a serious homebody - although I'm not opposed to an occasional trip, if you are looking for a real travel partner, I'm not your girl. I'll confess to being a bit of a princess, but I am not a drama queen.
My pet: I have lots of friends, big and small, and there is only one dog in my neighbourhood I growl at - but she started it. I am very social and if I bark at you it's mostly just because it's fun to bark. At 13 I have slowed down a bit and am getting a little hard of hearing but most people think I'm still a puppy. My favourite things are freeze-fried liver and mum's lap.
Which one wags your tail?
Here’s another for the heterosexual ladies:
Looking for someone who didn't vote for Bush/Cheney. That would show common sense and sound judgement. Value a sense of humour, independence and honesty in a woman. Someone who can laugh at themselves and at/with me. Like a woman that's into music and keeps up with current events.
His pet is looking for:
Another friend to play and wrestle with. Also, another dog that will let my dog smell her or his rear and not be offended.
Datemypet.com provides a online dating service that is aimed at the lovelorn who are struggling to reach the 'blended family' stage. Populated by owners who have, in the main, decided to post more pictures of their pets than their own faces, it offers a range of services, including ‘Rex in the City’.
A glance at some of the posts offers an eye-opening world for ‘owners seeking owners’. Subscribers are invited to offer profiles for both themselves and their pet(s) and it is here that you realise that other online dating services have missed a trick.
Male, heterosexual readers of a certain age – consider these two posts, both made by the same woman:
Me: I have no children, and I'd rather not be subjected to yours. I like to learn new things, but I wouldn't say I'm adventurous. Also a serious homebody - although I'm not opposed to an occasional trip, if you are looking for a real travel partner, I'm not your girl. I'll confess to being a bit of a princess, but I am not a drama queen.
My pet: I have lots of friends, big and small, and there is only one dog in my neighbourhood I growl at - but she started it. I am very social and if I bark at you it's mostly just because it's fun to bark. At 13 I have slowed down a bit and am getting a little hard of hearing but most people think I'm still a puppy. My favourite things are freeze-fried liver and mum's lap.
Which one wags your tail?
Here’s another for the heterosexual ladies:
Looking for someone who didn't vote for Bush/Cheney. That would show common sense and sound judgement. Value a sense of humour, independence and honesty in a woman. Someone who can laugh at themselves and at/with me. Like a woman that's into music and keeps up with current events.
His pet is looking for:
Another friend to play and wrestle with. Also, another dog that will let my dog smell her or his rear and not be offended.
Which one do you think tells you more about the writer?
Clearly, if I am to use a networking site, datemypet.com is the way to go. I’ll just project all I am onto Barney’s profile.
I might even mention the abscess on his arse.
Clearly, if I am to use a networking site, datemypet.com is the way to go. I’ll just project all I am onto Barney’s profile.
I might even mention the abscess on his arse.
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